There God Was!

by Pat

I am a gay women who has just found the Lord. Like I say, I always knew He was there but was reluctant to accept Him in my life and fully into my heart.

I have been through so many trials and tribulations in my life - first, dealing with "coming out" - having to tell my ex-husband of 14 yrs that our marriage was over, trying to explain to my three wonderful boys why mommy was leaving their dad, and having to explain to them why I now want to be with women.

On the brighter side of that, my ex was my biggest supporter. He is such a wonderful man. He knew that I couldn't be anything but what I am. That's not to say that we didn't go through some very bad times during this. He took me to my first PFLAG meeting and also told my family "not to hate me". We remain very good friends, helping each other when need be, and co-parenting our boys.

My boys...they are my true blessing from God. They came out of all of this unscathed. I can only say that it is by the grace of God, and them seeing that their parents are getting along and loving them unconditionally. They have accepted my lifestyle change without a hitch. Words cannot say how much I love and adore them!

Before all of this happened I was diagnosed with a rare cancer (sarcoma) which I am still battling. I have been through eight surgeries on my left wrist, along with internal and external radiation, but I really don't make it a focus of my life. I take it one day at a time and I must say that God intervened on that. I went to the doctors with a small lump on my wrist. They dismissed it, saying it was nothing but a ganglion. I insisted they remove it and that's when they found out it was much more. I had the surgery to remove it and all was fine, until it returned 4 yrs later.

After that I started dating a woman who ended up physically abusing me. My parents and sisters pretty much disowned me, and my life did a major spiral downhill.

I tried to commit suicide, but once again God intervened. I parked my car on the side of the road, slipped into the back seat and took a bottle of pills. All of a sudden I awoke! "Something" said, "Drive yourself to the hospital". And I did, in time to have my stomach pumped, and my life saved.

I look back at all these things God did for me and wonder why I didn't see He was there for me the entire time and accept Him? It was just within the last month that He truly came to me and said, "Enough is enough".

I had been, and still am dealing with a relationship that is very unhealthy. I have tried to end it several times but she is refusing to let go. It has worn me down to an empty shell. I have done some unhealthy things myself trying to deal with this situation and it has gotten me nowhere.

One day I was sitting on the couch and I began to cry hysterically, and THERE HE WAS! I got down on my knees and prayed and prayed. And from that day.....Wow! I can't even begin to express the changes in me. I look at things so much differently. I am calmer, feel peace and HOPE in my heart where there was none before. I am still dealing with my relationship problem, but have put it in the Lord's hands.

I was searching on the internet for "answers" when I found this website - another intervention from God. I needed a place were I could be myself and still love the Lord. I found a "HOME".

I am living on social security disability but have started to tithe. I want the Lord to know that I truly do believe in Him and want to thank Him for all He has done for me. I am ashamed of not recognizing all of His miracles, but I do now! I feel that I walk much lighter these days... and there is no turning back!! I look forward to all the wonderful things the Lord has in store for me.

Lord, you are my Rock. I ask that you keep me strong, keep love and peace in my heart, and calmness in my soul.

May God be with all of you.

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