Support For Parents (Family/Friends) Of Gay Children

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Family Acceptance Project - is the only community research, intervention, education and policy initiative that works to decrease major health and related risks for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth, such as suicide, substance abuse, HIV and homelessness - in the context of their families. We use a research-based, culturally grounded approach to help ethnically, socially and religiously diverse families decrease rejection and increase support for their LGBT children.

Our team is putting research into practice by developing the first evidence-based family model of wellness, prevention and care to strengthen families and promote positive development and healthy futures for LGBT children and youth. Once developed, we will disseminate our model across the U.S. and to groups we work with in other countries.

Download their booklet Supportive Families - Healthy Children.

From Bridget, one of our Social Group members:

As a parent, I had so many questions, questions like:

1) Where did this stem from? How come my son is gay?

2) How will people treat my son if they find out? Will he get called names, beat up, or even get killed like Matthew Shepard?

3) I was terrified about so many things and very protective. I worried whether he would get some disease or die of AIDS.

4) I wondered what people would say at church if they found out and would judge us to be bad parents that screwed their kid up.

We always loved our son no matter what, but it took awhile to get to the acceptance stage of knowing he was born this way and that God loved our son just as he is.

Lead With Love - Film & Survey
    - Strengthening Families Through The "Coming Out" Process

This is a video for parents of gay children recently produced by some folks at the University of Utah.

The psychologists in the film give four concrete suggestions for parents. They used the mnemonic LEAD for these:

Let your affection show.

Express your pain away from your child.

Avoid rejecting behaviors.

Do good before you feel good.



Watch the trailer.



Click Here to take a 5 minute survey and to see the whole film on their website. The survey is completely anonymous and requires no identifying information, and allows you to omit questions you prefer not to answer.

The movie runs for 35 minutes (well worth the time).

Response To A Mother Who Just Learned Her Daughter Is Gay
    - by Craig

Be patient, not only with her, but with yourselves as parents. It's OK to be upset, concerned, frightened, and worried about the 'eternal consequences' of what is happening to your family. Some of your brightest hopes and dreams for your child will need to be adjusted if you are to remain close to her. But really, all those hopes and dreams boil down to this: you want your daughter to have a happy, fulfilling life. And trust those of us who know... she really can. I think the chances of that increase greatly when we accept our true nature and then make the most of what we have been given.

One day, you may well learn that it was a great gift not only to your daughter, but to you, that she is gay. There are things as parents that you will only be able to fully learn by having this experience. Sometimes I think we gay ones are not the ones being tested at all -- no, we're the great test of you straight people: can you REALLY truly love "the least of these" who are considered outcasts in God's kingdom? I suspect it's not HER salvation on the line at all... but yours.

We gay ones are created as we are for a purpose. And that purpose is never limited only to ourselves. You have an opportunity -- a huge opportunity -- to actually live what "unconditional love" is all about. And I think you are already well on your way to truly living it with your daughter.

If only all parents were as determined to love their gay kids as you are. Sadly, that's not the experience many of us have. For many of us, at the moment of our life's greatest crisis -- coming to terms with the really hard knowledge that we're just not like other people -- that's EXACTLY when we need love the very most, and it's also exactly when many parents choose not to give it.

Take it one day at a time, and just make sure she knows you love and accept her regardless of how her orientation manifests itself in your life. And the more you can act like it is NORMAL for her to have a girlfriend/partner/wife, the more love and peace you will all feel. (I say, act like it's normal until it IS normal for you!)

I wish you all the very best in this new journey.

Craig

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