For the longest time, I never understood how the death of Christ works and atones for our sins. I always believed, of course. Even C.S. Lewis said that just as man eats his meals knowing it is good for him no matter what science supports, so is the believing in the Mystery of our Salvation no matter if it makes sense or not, we know it works. As I reflected on the Good Friday lessons and looked at the cross that Christ died on and prayed, I thought about death. What it is, what it means, and how it makes sense in the big picture.
Death is essential in life and unavoidable. It marks the end of a life and recalls the beginning and all the time spend between. It is perhaps the largest event in life in which all mortal men will face. It is a universal symbol in all cultures which marks the twisted idea that in death, there is rebirth and new life. Whether it being reincarnation, or a life in the world to come, we as humans are deeply impacted by the ending of life in a very sacramental way.
In most cultures and religions, the spilling of blood is what often makes death transform into new life. Rituals which emphasize are some of earliest man has practiced and is nearly universal. What can explain this phenomenon? Did our early primitive ancestors come up with the idea and it spread across the worlds and across the seas? I think not. Rather than being an ancient religious trend which survived today, it is a part of which is imbedded in all human behavior and endeavor. Just like religion itself, we know in our sixth senses and third eyes that the death and spilling of blood is essential for new life.
After the God of the Hebrews delivered Moses and the Hebrews out of Egypt he established a covenant where YHWH would be their God and they would be his chosen people and would follow the laws set before them. And once a year a high priest would stand before God in the temple and sacrifice an unblemished and perfect lamb on the behalf the of the people that theirs sins of being unable to keep the law would atone for.
The entire Old Testament, in a nutshell, is a number of stories how the chosen people would not keep God’s Laws and would call them to repent. A number of times God would not accept their sacrifices due to their resistance to him. And thus they remained in their sins.
Though God how wrathful he may be in delivering his people to their enemies is also shown through out scripture God to be slow to anger, quick to forgive, and full of mercy and love. God knew that Israel, let along the whole population of the world, was not capable of keeping his law and atoning for their sins.
God knowing this Incarnated himself into the Virgin Mary that he would be born a mortal. Fully man, yet fully God. Jesus as God’s begotten knew why he was sent. To yet again repeat the words of the prophets of repentance and to bring back those who had broken Gods law. The only deference, God was preaching to his own people face to face.
In animal sacrifice, the means are temporal and profane. The affects they had only changed the soul so much and God could reject them. God in his love knew he would have to do it himself. Just as the highest and most perfect priest would represent the people and sacrifice a lamb to God for the forgiveness of sins, so did Jesus represent the whole population of the earth and sacrifice himself as a lamb for the reconciliation between the profane and the cosmos.
The word “sacred” is closely tied to the word “desecrate” or “defile” (or “poop” on). Jesus, being fully man, and yet fully God was desecrated in the worst way possible at the time. Being whipped by leather lashes with pieces of sharp rocks and glass in them, and having hands and feet nail to a piece of unstable wood, pulling on your pierced limbs in order to breath. In the death of the absolute sacred, God himself; came new life, and the sacrifice was perfect and complete. God alone knows how and why this law and pattern of the spilling of blood and death gives new life and forgiveness, but it works.
Of course, if Jesus had just died and that was the end of the story; then we would have no idea if his death was actually worth anything and if mankind was really reconciled unto God. It would be a normal death and shedding of blood which brought forth the means of nothing. However, the death of Christ the Sacred brought forth the new life in his resurrection from the dead, the ultimate miracle of miracles as a sign that the sacrifice was complete and our sins no longer kept us from God’s presence.
A lot of people think that the idea of death for life is primitive, ancient, non-practical, and uburd. And they are most right. It is ubsurd. It can't be be proven with means of modern methods and the results can't nessesarily be seen. But, so is all of religion in general. A person can't simply take an idea out of its context and expect it to make sense. In it's own context, it fits.
Having all this in mind, makes me appreciate the coming Easter, that Christ did die, and resurrected from the dead, a sign that our sins are forgiven.
It seems like last month I was at the Christmas Eve service. Epiphany hit for a few weeks, time flies, and now it's Lent.
Along with Advent, Lent is my favorite liturgical season to be engaged in. I admit, I love the theatrics that go with it. The color purple, all the crosses covered mysteriously to be revealed on Easter Sunday, the older penitential rites, offering "oblations", hymns in minor keys, and McDonalds Fish Fillets for $1! (Just kidding…). I’ll go through the usual giving up something like most liturgical Christians do and maybe take up a discipline (for me, I’m cutting down on smoking, recycling more, and sticking as close to the daily office as possible). Just a normal Lent right?
As I sit down typing this with the ashes in form of a cross on my forehead, I'm pretty sure I've figured out which direction I’m going to take this lent. Lent is about self examination which St Paul talked about this in 2 Corinthians 13:5, and practicing discipline of the self and soul which hints back at the 40 days Jesus was fasting and tempted in the desert (Mark 1:12-13). As Christians, we are to always be drawing nearer to God in Christ in prayer, worship, study of the word and so on. Lent however takes these principles and draws them inward. We look at our state on earth and are reminded of who we are. And that’s the direction I want to take this season as I head towards Easter; Who am I?
With the recent help of day long anxiety attack and a bit of therapy on the side, I've noticed my labels which are attached to me. I'm a son, grandchild, relative, boyfriend, musician, friend, bisexual, and so forth. All these things in way or the other and maybe more than one time I relate to my identity. My problem I feel is that I rely on these parts of me for my identity when they will not last forever. Not that these are bad at all, I love these parts of me which make up a part of who I am. But how far, honestly do they really go? For example, God didn't create me a cellist, but it's something that I picked up while on Earth and happened to excel at. Does playing it or not playing affect my salvation? Not at all. But does playing it affect my soul? I think it does to a point. When I play, I’m happy. And emotions do have an affect to the soul (Psalm 42:5).
I think back to a situation such as the Garden of Eden. What little labels did Adam and Eve have, if any at all? They were just creation, God's own, and nothing else, and God saw that they were good. I think of St Paul who said in Galatians that in Christ there is no Jew or Greek, Slave or Free, Male or Female. It seems to me that Christ does not see us in our labels. He looks us as his own. When take all those labels off, what are we? Nothing? In the eyes of the world, there is nothing left. But in God’s eyes, we are beings created in his imagine and takes delight in us. We are naked and pure, and we have nothing to hide. Obviously, unless a person achieves Buddhist enlightenment, we cannot in our busy everyday lives take off everything that we are in order to have the closest union with God. But that’s why Christ came anyway; to help us do that which we cannot do alone, have perfect reconciliation with God.
This Lent, as I draw inward and give up whatever physical pleasure it is that I'm giving up, and say and pray which devotions which will draw me closer to God I want to answer the question “Who am I?” How do my labels help or hinder me in loving God with everything that I am and those around me in the same way? And in the end learn to accept who I am as God's child, his creation.
Love, it's a great thing. It's shared by husbands, wifes, partners, children, family, and so on. It's one of the few things the whole race of people have in common. We want to have it. Some die for it. Some are sadly willing to pay for it. Love is something will never loose, now matter how hard we try to get rid of it. It's something which God imparted in our souls to have since the dawn of creation.
One of the earliest statement from God about love i believe is the most profound and is the heart of the Christian. "Love the Lord your God" and "Love your neighbor as yourself".
In these two commandments, there are actually three parts where love is directed. First, Love to God; Second, Love to your neighbor. The third I think is the part we over look, yourself. It's hard enough just to love other people, but...as yourself? Thats tuff. And this comes under the assumption that a person does indeed love themself. I remember times in my life where I didn't love myself. I didn't think I was good enough at something, or failed, or sinned so badly that I felt that God had taken his love from me and I did not deserve love at all. When your in that state, how do you love God, let alone your neighbor! Yet, it is the commandment which sums up the entire Law of the Hebrews, and the example which Christ gave us.
Ther are so many ways during the day which this can be done. We all rely on eachother for our common well being.Think about your typical day at work. Why are you there? To make a living to provide for yourself and/or your family. Why? Because you love them. And in loving them you are replicating the love which God gave for you. If you pick up your morning coffee from starbucks and the barista isn't in a good mood and it shows, then doesnt that offset your mind track a bit. You might wonder "What the heck is his problem" in anger. Or, wonder "What's wrong?" with sincerity. Thats why most work places want employees to be objective when it comes to their job
This "triune unity of love" I believe is the pattern in which the whole Bible and history of the Church is founded upon. God Loves us. And to show that God Loves us, not only are we to love him back, but in order to be more like our Father, we should replicate that love to others because God loved us. They may not deserve it at all. People hurt, steal, lie, GOSSIP, and BETRAY. But all the wrongs we see in others, God has seen in us. And in his mercy, he loved us when did not deserve it all. And in that mercy and love after all the really crappy things we did, God sent Christ to love us. And not only to save us from our sin of not loving God and our neighbor, also to remind us that we are worth loving, a self esteem is worth the boost. And in that confidence in ourselfs, we can love God and eachother better.
Recently, I feel that I have been betrayed and that it was not nessesary. I can't possibly imagine how this person and I love and worship the same God. But what can I do? I can sit and gribe about how much it sucks and what I can do to avoid it all together. haha, that honestly what I want to do. But I know it's not right. If I withhold my love and forgivness from this person, then I do not replicate the love that God has given us, of which I am so thankful. It's not automatic. It takes work. A LOT. But the amount of work it takes doesnt match crucifixion.
I love God. I love others around me and that person. Right now myself esteem kinda took a really low blow today. So right now its hard to love. Heck, to do all this is hard enough isn't it? I'll be honest, the first thing I do in the morning isn't nessesarily starting the day off with hugs and love of all sorts. But it's a good thing to work on reguardless.
Almighty God, we entrust all who are dear to us to thy never-failing care and love, for this life and the life to come, knowing that thou are doing for them better things than we can desire or pray for, Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen
Book of Common Prayer, pg 831
Advent is come and past, the season of Christmas is here. I can't belive it, we are in the second season of the liturigcal year. As Advent starts the church year over, I have found it appropiate to make my Christian new years resolutions during Advent apart from my secular resolutions in January. This church year I plan on being more giving with my finances (to suppliment my secular resolution of keeping better track of my bank account...oi!), watch my language, be more available for friends and foes, and start a prayer journal.
This journal contains prayers and collects which I wrote after reflecting the Psalms and other parts of Holy Scripture, Anglican Rosary prayers, and prayers by others which I use frequently.
In this current season of my life I have picked up a second job to pay off my bills and lessen my debt and have decieded to take a semester off from school. I plan on drawing nearer to God and concentrate on the the mystical and mysterious connection between me and the Cross of Christ.
The Diocese of San Joquin in California of the Episcopal Church has recently decieded to change it's constituion and join the Anglican Church of the Southern Cone in Latin America. This is my diocese. The diocese is a God fearing group of people,the diocese and it's bishop are not by any means homophobic, however it's stand on the inclusion of gays and lesbians into all ministries of the church are one of the key reasons why it has broken off from the Epsicopal Church. I love my parish and congregation, I have a wonderful priest, and the growing church I feel has many opprotunities. And as long as I am in Bakersfield I will continue to grow, worship, and participate there as I am semi-closeted.
It is in these frustrations and in my heart that I write these prayers and continue in my growing Anglican Heritage. May they be a blessing to all and any who shall read or pray them.
A prayer based on Psalm 136
O God of Gods, O King of Kings, whose mercy dose endure forever: Remember us in our lowly estate and deliver us from our enemies, that we may render thanks to you, the God of Heaven. Amen.
A Novena to Saints Sergius and Bacchus (the most well known gay saints)
O blessed Saints Sergius and Baccus, In your union and love for eachother you prevailed through humiliation and death for the sake of our Lord Jesus: Intercede for us o Glorious saints that (Name) and myself would prevail in the same love to the Glory of the most high and blessed Trinity. Amen.
*appropiate for same-sex couples
Reflections of the Crucifixion of Christ for Anglican Rosary
Cross-In the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
Invitatory Bead-O God, make speed to save me; O Lord make haste to help me
Cruciform Beads-Into your hands I commend my spirit, for you have redeemed me of God of truth.
Week Beads-Jesus, remember me, when you come into your Kingdom.
Closing Bead- Lord Jesus, you said to your apostles "Peace I leave with you, my own peace I leave you". Regaurd not our sins but the faith of your church,and grant to us the unity of the heavenly city where with the Father and Holy Spirit you live and reign. Amen
Cross- Our Father....
*based on Luke 23:42-43, Psalm 31:5
Communion Prayers for Anglican Rosary
Cross-In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.
Invitatory Bead-Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me a sinner
Cruciforms-Be present, Jesus our great high priest as you were with your disciples in the breaking of bread.
Or...
We do not presume to come to this table O Lord by our own righteousness, but in thy manifold mercies.
Weeks-Risen Lord, be known to us in the breaking of bread.
Closing Bead-Our Father...
Cross-The Almighty and Merciful Lord: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, bless us and keep us. Amen.
*based on prayers from the Book of Common Prayer, pages 337 and 834
I concluded that we are constantly sinning against God by not loving him with our whole being in thought, word, and deed.
It only took one sin to be separated from God. I believe that God see's sin as one sin. We are sinners. Point. Blanks. There are no "better" sinners than there are "worse" sinners. God isn't a bank. If one person sins a hell of a lot more than another person then he or she isn't more in debt. However in our lives and experiances we see sin put into categories. For example in Roman Catholicism not going to church is a HUGE sin, esspecially prior to the Protestant Reformation in the Middle Ages. And however in protestant churches, not going to church isn't a big deal. The categories of sin made by man are typically the venal (lesser) and mortal (greater) sins, and of course the Seven Deadly Sins. I feel though that even the Holy Scriptures reveal to us that God shows no partiality to people, the Bible has a tendancy to categorize sins. The Ten Commandments, the Levital Books of the Bible, and even our Lord said whoever would betray him would commit the most horrible sin. So whats with the contradiction? I personally don't think there is one.
I have seen believers argue over what another person's sin is and what they have done. And the typical counter argument would be something along the lines of "Well, don't judge me because in God's eyes no sin is greater than another". I for the most part would believe this. Ok! I do hold this statement true. But using it for the justification to support your sin or than of anothers is just tottally WRONG. And thus the believe that God shows not particality to sin and that we veiw sin in categories would be taken out of their original purpose.
Sin is revealed to us in categories in order to understand what sin is. What it is that makes us wrong. And how we can avoid commiting them. I truely believe that sin is not just black and white. It can have blurred lines within it's context. But how can we see the blurred lines if we can't understand sin within it's black and white lines? We should use the categories of sin for their original purpose: to help us understand it and escape it. We should not use them to condem others or make ourselves look "better".
I've done some inking latley on what exactly sin is. I'm sure most people have heard the verse "All have sinned aganst the Glory of God" or the Seven Deadly Sins. When I was involved with the Evangelical wing of Christianity a general rule to show a person and get them to say the "sinners prayer" was by asking a person if they had broken a one of the 10 commandments.
But really, what is sin outside the 10 commandments? What was the rule of theumb until the law was given? So I have to reflect back to Genesis when the first sin was commited. I'm sure the general population knows the story of Adam and Eve. The first sin commited was when Eve ate of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of good and evil, the tree from which God directly told them not too. So their punishment was separation from God by leaving the Garden of Eden. So what was it like with out sin before man screwed up? Sinless. So far just from this example sin can be defined as disobeying God. This definition can relate to classic example of Breaking the 10 commandments. After all what do the psalms talk about a lot...breaking Gods Laws. But then I think of what the Pharisees of Jesus day did...find ways around God's laws. And even then our Lord said they were sinners. Jesus sumarized up the Law in 2 commandments, "Love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul and might, and love thy neighbor as your self." So if do anything that is aganst these teachings, then you commit sin. In my opinion based on ths anything that you do that would separate you from God is a sin. So we are CONSTANLY sinning. I know I sin constantly...I get angry, I lust after others, i get so irritated with people and forget to love them.
Lord, Have Mercy upon Me
A Collect is a pre-written prayer used in a liturgical church. These prayers are called collects because when were prayed in Divine Service they were used to "collect" the thoughts and prayers of everyone. Today the name sticks as even when they are prayed individally, someone else is praying the same prayer.
O God, you told your creation that we ought not to be alone in this world. Grant to us the commitment and love of David and Johnathon that in our relatiionship we may honor and love you unconditionally as we unconditionally love eachother. Through Jesus Christ our Lord, whom with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns in glory forever. Amen
Lord, grant to us the the ability and strenth to perserve like your servant St. Paul. That in times of trial and question of identiy you would stand with us and we would glorify your name. Through Christ our Lord. Amen
God, you called Jews and Gentiles to be one in your Son our savior Jesus Christ. Grant that there would be unity in the diversity of our sexuality that where there is confusion there would be understanding and where there is anger, then peace. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.
A friend of mine from my campus fellowship club told me how writing your own psalms and canticles can inhance your spiritual life. So I though I would give it a shot...
O God! Whose countenance lights the day and Glory fills the night sky how wondrous your works are!
My spirit says to my hearth, "Worship the LORD and seek his face" and my heart I will follow.
For you have numbered the days of my life and kept my paths straight when I had gone astray from your commandments.
I lie down O LORD and how my sin haunts me in the night! How wrecked am I that and worthy of torment all the days of my life!
To drink the waters I drink and return to, they have surely set the world against me and the bridges that I cross have led me into the lands of my enemies!
Show mercy on me Lord as you showed mercy on Lot in the land of Sodom that I may live on your Holy Hill and serve you forever.
For you are the LORD my God! And you show favor on those who turn to you. Regard not my past but my future; and lead me into your law and salvation
How long O LORD shall you hear me wail?
When is the appointed time of my death?
Because I have sinned greatly in your eyes, surely I am worthy of Death!
Surly my heart deceives me and my eyes play tricks for the world right now cannot be real.
O that I was not born from my mother's womb and that my soul should not have come into existence!
David had not felt the pain of loosing Absalom that I have felt. Pity me Job for I have lost more!
May the LORD smite me now and remove my presence from Earth and my soul released to Sheol.
The Lord will judge me rightly. And my iniquities shall weigh me down to the depths of the waters.
The LORD is my rock and stronghold. Though I should fall he will raise me up like Gideon!
I have been gathering these thoughts for quite awhile and am ready to start putting it into words. I don't have scripture citations at the moment...but this will be a work in progress...
Keep in mind I do not have PHD in math or logic...I'm college student playing with thoughts... :)
We as humans on this Earth are sinful by birth. (citation here) The Bible says that
one sin is not comparable to another sin in the eyes of God (citation here). It is through Christ sacrifice on the cross for our sins
that we are able to repent and believe and be baptized in the
ressurection and recieve salvation(citation here). So I present the following
question: If the ultimate sin of all humanity is all the same in God's
eyes then does all the sin have a set massive weight or is it an
infinite mass with no set weight that keeps us from God?
God has an infinite love for us and that Christ sacrafice is
unconditonal and cannot be changed (citation). The works of the devil however are
conditonal and can we wipped away and deleted. I am about to attempt
something very difficult. I am going to try to deductively use an
algebraic form to solve or find out something that deals with
inductive premises.
Either sin is at a set massive weight and is cancelled out by God's
unconditional love, or sin is an infinite mass that is cancelled out.
I feel the later is more likey because most religions and faiths have
the idea of a balance between good and evil with good always winning
in the end. If this is the case then an algebraic formula might look
something like this....
God's uncondition love(a) = conditional sin (b). Mathmatically speaking, God's love is equal to the
conditional sin. But we know by the revelation of scripture God has
triumphed over the grave (citation here). Is there a contradiction here? In terms of religion and faith, there is. But, in terms of math, I don't believe there is. Here is where math and religion colide.
If mathmatically speaking God's unconditional infinite love is equal to infinite sin, and religiously speaking we know that God's unconditional love has triumphed sin, then what is it that mathmatically gives us salvation when conditional sin is set equal to unconditional love
in this equation. I think with logical reasoning, prayer, and of
course study of scripture I can figure this out. On the other hand I
think I just discovered the "mystery" of our salvation which St. Paul
and our early Church Fathers ponders and sought explanation for.