The L Word

by Anita Cadonau-Huseby
Jan 22, 2010

My apologies, yet again, for the two week drought between posts caused by a major time commitment to family along with my highly developed artistry at procrastination.

"That's how I think we should begin 2010; by letting go of investing all our time, energy, and attention toward reconciling our sexuality or opposing the churches condemnation of homosexuality or fighting a world that seems set at odds against equality for all people, and that we instead lose ourselves to the bigger spiritual questions of God that in the end will be what leads us each to places of peace and assurance in all the other matters of life that concern us."
   - Anita Cadonau-Huseby in Turning Our Questions to Questions of God

I know. There's something a little weird about someone who quotes themselves but then again that's only slightly weirder than someone referring to themselves as someone as though they're talking about someone other than themselves. Did you follow that? Me either. I say we give up on making a seamless transition from the last post to this one and just jump in with both feet and hopefully the rest will follow.

As Christians first and then as queer second, we spend a whole lot of our time and energy tied up in knots about God's opinion of us. What does God think of me? Is God disappointed in me? Am I pleasing to God? Is God irked at me? Am I in big trouble? Is God grinning or grimacing in my direction? Am I doing enough, giving enough, serving enough, sacrificing enough? The church is full of folks caught up in a mindset that they need to be doing more of one thing or less of another thing to be holy and righteous enough to earn God's favor. You don't have to be queer to struggle with those questions. We just have a whole other scope of questions to wonder about. Is being queer and accepting that truth about my life an offense to God? Does God delight in the love I share with my partner or is God sickened by it? Does God hate me? If God disapproves of me being gay will God send me to hell? Has God allowed me to have cancer because I'm a lesbian?

I'm not making up those questions off the top of my head for dramatic effect. These questions are just a sampling of questions that have been sent to me over the years from GLBTQ men, women, and youth who are in spiritual and emotional agony, trying so hard to do the right thing and to be the right people to please the God they so deeply love. And fear. Not with our God is an awesome God reverential fear but fear as in scared to death and shaking in their boots fear. Waiting, just waiting for God to strike them down, punish them, cast them aside, wipe God's holy hands of them, and turn God's equally holy backside on them. And is it any wonder given how the church in God's name has done it to them over and over again?

But returning to the questions people are struggling with, including the questions you carry in your own heart, there seems to me to be an implied assumption in all of them that lies just under the surface of the words, and that assumption is this; that the answer to every question hinges on the human side of things. In other words, the action of God is nothing more than a response to our actions or attractions. Whatever God will do is ordained by me. However God will respond is in my power to control. These questions that in content are primarily concerned with God's potential response to us are questions that seem to rest entirely on the human action in the equation. If I do this, will God hate me? If I am this, will God be disappointed? If I, if I, if I... will God, will God, will God? The outcome to every question is entirely dependent on God's response to our behavior, our sexual orientation, our failings, our righteousness, and our sin but I'm here to argue that nothing could be farther from the truth.

A child wanting to surprise their parent by setting the breakfast table accidentally spills a bottle of milk on the kitchen floor. Their parent enters the room, sees the spilled milk on the floor and wipes up the milk with a paper towel while assuring the child that accidents happen. The parent enters the room, sees the spilled milk on the floor and slaps the child across the face and calls the child a clumsy fool. The parent enters the room, sees the spilled milk on the floor and laughs. Or screams. Or comforts. Or rages. Or hugs the child. Or hits the child. There could be a thousand different parental responses to spilled milk on the floor and all of them would hinge solely on the character and virtue, or the lack there of, of the parent. The child who spilled the milk has no say in the parent's response. The parent will do as the parent will do independent of the child.

We are the child. God is the parent. Whether we drop the milk bottle or carry it to the table without spilling so much as a smidge matters little to how our heavenly parent will respond to us because God's relationship to us and how God chooses to respond to us is held singularly within the character of who God is. That's all I'm saying and even as I say it I know it's too simple for some to believe. For whatever reason we need things to be more complicated, and if I'm sounding too abstract then I offer as evidence what we've done with the Good News. We've spent 2000 years tangling its simple message of divine love (not to be confused with it's easy message) in doctrines, dogma, theologies, and bullet point statements of belief suitable for framing in the church narthex.

Here's what I can tell you after 53 years of walking, stumbling, and crawling along the path of Christian faith. God will be God. God will do as God will do. God will be who God will be. And to that end, God isn't waiting on my next move to give or withhold love to me. God isn't watching over my actions, words, and thoughts today to decide whether tomorrow God will bless or curse, reject or accept me. No. Today, as it was yesterday and as it will be tomorrow, God is acting out of the core of God's being toward me and toward all people, and at God's core is Love. God is Love and that one truth alone determines everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Every question, every answer, every decision, and every eternity are held up in this one thing; that God is many things but above it all and through it all, God is Love.

We've all probably said it a thousand times. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love. God is love.

We've committed scripture passages to memory that affirm it. We've sung hymns and songs about it. We might even adhere it on a bumper sticker to the back end of our car or default to it when we can think of nothing else to say to someone in need of comfort and hope, but now I think it's time we really talk about what it means.

God is Love.

Chill on that for a couple days then swing back over this way.

Spread the Word!



©2010 Anita Cadonau-Huseby. All rights reserved. Used with Permission

Anita Cadonau-Huseby is the Founder and Administrator of ChristianLesbians.com, which has evolved into SisterFriends Together. She has spent nearly 30 years in pastoral ministry.

Note from Mary: When I was first struggling with my sexuality and my faith, I found Christian Lesbians. Anita's leadership and her delightful sense of humour made my journey easier. It was so good to know I was not the only one. I will forever be in her debt.

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